New boots for old

So the Minister for Defence announced today that 22 new Chinook helicopters would be made available for the war in Afghanistan. They will be ordered over the next 10 years.

Great. - So the soldiers and the marines who are sitting on the ground getting shot at daily and need these things to ferry them and their kit around will get them in 10 years.

They need them now for Christ sake.

I cannot understand why it takes so long to order and purchase a helicopter. I mean they are available to buy, MOD knows what spec it needs in the helicopter. Well they must do, they have enough of them in service already. Its just a repeat order.

Stop pussyfooting around MOD and get the guys what they need........and do it NOW.

Either that or bring them home.

RED Fridays

RED FRIDAYS
Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing Red every Friday.
The reason?
British men and women who support our troops used to be called the 'silent majority'.
We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for Country and home in record breaking numbers.
We are not organized, boisterous or over-bearing.
We get no liberal media coverage on TV, to reflect our message or our opinions.
Many British people, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of Britain supports our troops.
Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that every Briton who supports our men and women afar will wear something red.
By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make Great Britain on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football team
If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, co-workers, friends, and family, It will not be long before Britain is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the once 'silent' majority is on their side more than ever, certainly more than the media lets on.
The first thing a soldier says when asked 'What can we do to make things better for you?' is...'We need your support and your prayers'...
Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example; and wear something red every Friday.

Swifts part two

Bugger bugger bugger...... they didn't stay.

Swifts

I heard, from that know it all (but extremely nice man) Chris Packham on springwatch that Swifts, when they leave the nest for the first time can spend anything up to 4 years on the wing before they land again. They even sleep on the wing......

Our house is about 35 years old. We have regular visitors to the eves of the house every year in the form of House Martins. (Its always happy hour at our house). But yesterday, for the very first time since we have been here (7 years) two Swifts made an appearance and landed on the back of our house looking at the eves for a suitable nest site. It always makes the spiritual side of me think that we are lucky to be chosen by these birds as a home. The Martins have been with us for a long time. They nest in the front of the house, whilst these Swifts have taken it upon themselves to take up residence at the rear, much to the annoyance of the local Starlings. Their nest appears to be about 10 feet away and they are not best pleased.

I hear that Swifts are on the decline, mainly do to the changes in our building techniques. They rely on us to be able to build on our buildings. So I am very glad we can do our bit for them.

Goose-slander

I work by the side of a beautiful mere in the Cheshire countryside. The building I work in butts right up to the mere and the walk - way from the restaurant along the mere to the woods is a very nice way to stroll off the old lunch.

During most of the year this is a relaxing treat. During April and May however we run the gauntlet of the onslaught of mad Goose fever. Canadian Geese to be exact.
They nest along the path and anywhere else, should the fancy take them. It usually does.







This would be charming enough you would think. Sure, nesting Geese are likely to be a bit "hissy". I mean that's understandable. They take offence to anything that comes near them. Other geese, rabbits, humans,herons, crisp packets, falling leaves. Whilst dressed in my motor bike leathers and heading for home, I was spotted by a Canada who watched intently as I got on the bike to ride off. At the point where I drove past, he flew at me at full speed. Clearly black leathers + 650cc = BIG GOOSE THAT MUST BE ATTACKED. Well in the eyes of goose with nothing to do it does.


I think that's what it is. The males just get bored. One could argue they are defending their nests but this motorcycle chaser was no where near his patch. The males have done their bit so to speak in the breeding cycle and now have to fill their days until its time to escort juniors to the water. (Typical male I hear the ladies cry.)


The other thing they do to pass the time if poo. And they do a lot of that. The path by the mere is littered with the stuff. You could argue its a poo with a view. (thanks Matt)...
The odd thing is, the poo is stacked up in neat piles every so often. So there are only two conclusions you can draw from this. The same goose returns to the same spot each time and puts more on top of what its just dropped or they really are full of sh&*t.
Either way, these mountains get big enough to become round abouts in their own right.

I am told that because these geese, albeit Canadian in name have probably never flown that far. I am told they are resident in the Cheshire area and spend their time flitting from one mere to another. To that end their numbers have to be controlled otherwise we would have hundreds of the hissy buggers every spring. They are not culled. Their numbers appear to be controlled by goosey birth control.

Where nests are accessible, the eggs are sprayed with something that prohibits the grown of the embryo. Because geese eggs are porous, the egg becomes sterile. We have tried to tell these geese mothers that they are wasting their time. One or two seemed to take notice but most of them sat far longer than their statutory incubation period before wandering off in search of better grazing and poo hills. I can imagine the conversation as the hen caught up with the gander,
"Oy jaffa, three bleedin weeks I have been sitting on those eggs. Nothing, not even a tap. And what have you been doing may I ask?"
"errr... poo'in and chasing motorbikes"...

Things my Spaniel says she knows

I have been conversing with my Spaniel Molly today. Mostly through telepathy because as you know, whilst they understand a great deal, a dogs vocal range is a bit limited.

Anyway, the conversation started when I picked her up to say hello after my hard day at work. She licked my glasses.

"Careful, I won't be able to see anything" I said

"Sorry bloke, I'm afraid I don't have much of an understanding of such things. What they for anyway. They just sit on yer face and get in the way of yer lookers." She replied

I did my best to explain the purpose of glasses and short sighted-ness but the yawn gave away the fact that it was of little interest. I put her down on the floor and she wandered to her bowl

"So if you don't understand the science of glasses. What do you have knowledge of?" I enquired.

She stopped in mid chomp of a biscuit and looked at me as though I had insulted her.

"After 9 years of living in your pack, yer have not noticed the incredible range of me talents? I am almost insulted. Mamma notices what I know." she retorted.

"Sorry," I said, "Do enlighten me."

She filled her mouth with some more biscuits and looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Well I can count to go". She spluttered telepathically.

I looked puzzled, "I don't follow you".

"Small bloke" (that's our son) "he taught me to count up to go. You know, when we all in the garden and he throws a ball. We sit down and he says.....On marks, one, two, three, go. Then we chase to see who gets the ball first." She paused to take a drink of water.

"See, I have knowledge of counting to go".

While she finished her drink and licked the residue of biscuits from her chops, I went to sit down on the sofa in the back room and stared out of the French windows. Molly followed me in and sat down on the rug in front of me staring out towards the bottom of the garden where the shed sat forlornly in the soggy wet early evening.

"See shed." said Molly.

"What about it". I replied.

"I know that hedgepigs live down there.  I can find them too."

"Using your nose".

"Yeah but not just nozzle. I know where their tracks are round the garden. I also know when they come out to eat."

"Damncats come out from behind shed too" She added, "Mind you Damncats come out everywhere, you don't need a nozzle to find them. Slinkin' here and slinkin' there, sittin' on Mamma's car, messin' in our garden....no manners, they always nasty..." She paused.

"You're getting angry". I said trying to lighten her mood.

"Yeah, sorry. Damncats make me red". she said.

She turned her attention away from the garden and concentrated on her bum for a while. That was my queue to read my paper.
When she had finished, she watched me for a time then came over and poked her nose under the paper and stared at me. I lifted the paper and she jumped onto my knee.

"Do you understand time?" I asked.

"Yeah, breakfast time, lunchtime, dinnertime, tasty-time, chomp-time, munchies-time, da walkies time, Go-pub time, bobo's time. I know time." she said putting her head on my chest.

"But can you tell the time? Do you know how long it takes to do things.". I put the paper down.

"Oh yeah, easy. Remember when you and Mamma get bags out and go on long walkies without me".

I presumed she meant holidays.

"You said, won't be long. We will only be a couple of minutes. Then you were gone for a couple of minutes...Its very long, a couple of minutes. I fitted in a lot of chomp-time and munchie-time in those couple of minutes.

"Very impressive" I lied.

"I also know", She said, licking one of her front paws, "Where to find all the sticks I have ever picked up and moved to new places at de Anderton. (That's the nature park near where we live). There are many of them but I put them carefully in stick nests that have built up over the years, just like you blokes and mamma's do with the stones on the mountains we visit."

"You mean the stone cairns on the fells?" I asked

"Them's the ones bloke. And if I put a stick down somewhere, I can always find it again by using me nozzle".

"Your nose".

"Yeah".

"Me nozzle is quite important. Because you and the Mamma don't know how to use yours properly. I have the only working one in the pack." Molly continued.

"We do use our noses, er sorry nozzles". I said.

"But yer not very good at it." she said.

"For example?" I asked.

"For example, just before last no-work-today," (I presumed she meant last weekend), "Me and you came in from de walkies and yer sniffed and said, mmm Mamma's cooking spaghetti 's".

"Which she was." I confirmed.

"Yeah but if you had used your nozzle like me, you would have said, mmm Mamma's cooking spaghetti in water with a bit of salt, mince meat in a sauce that has garlic, tomatoes basil and a hint of black pepper". She looked proud of herself.

"Now you're just showing off". I said.

"No. Just telling you what I know".

Porridge Evangalism

18 months ago, after suffering from that classic folk music disease, gout. ( you thought I was going to say morris dancing didn't you?) I decended on the local quack to get a diagnosis for what I already knew. That being that my big toe was very painful and I could not stand, sit, lie down or hang from my good leg from the ceiling like a bat. 

"I could perform a quick check on it now if you like", says quack. "I simply insert a needle into your toe joint and draw off some fluid. It will tell me quite quickly if its gout. How do feel about that?" he continued.

"How do you feel about being threaded through that small window by your ankles" I replied.

"Mmm. Good point. We will do a blood test. While we are at it we might as well test for a wide range of things just to be safe."

"As long as it tells  you enough to give me the right medication I don't care"...pain will make you retort thus.

So on the return of said results, I was summoned like a boy to the head teacher for a lecture. Not about the gout, which was inconclusive, but on the rather high cholesterol level.

It can come a bit of a shock, when you think that you eat healthily and have a wide diet.

"Just get some exercise", said quack.

"Porridge" said my father in law. "Thats what you need. If you can take porridge 4 times a week for breakfast, it will line your insides and any saturates will pass right on by."

As an alternative to the dreaded pills, it was worth a try. So combining that with some exercise 3 times a week resulted in a dramatic reduction in the old level from 7.5 to 4.5. It  took 12 months but well worth it. And with that regime now 3 times a week, there has been no gout, and those little fatty deposits running around inside just float on by and out the other side.

So here's to that simple, often forgotten food which does so much that you just don't know about.